dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
