once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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