a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
