Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
