my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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