My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
