Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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