and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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