I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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