I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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