I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
