I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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