i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
