so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
