they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
