The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
