woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
