Did you just see the Batmobile???
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
