if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
