I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
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