her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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