I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
