I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You have to summon your inner elephant
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
