if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
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