I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?