He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
