I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize