i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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