somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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