hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
