i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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