Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
