does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
