I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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