Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
