can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
