Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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