some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
