He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
