i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
