Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
