My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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