he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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