i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
