I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
