U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
