This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I won't apologize to a one balled man
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
