Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
