How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
