Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
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Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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