So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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