I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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