Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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