its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
