I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
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