I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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