I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
