The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
