Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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