I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
