yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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