So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
