Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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