We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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