Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
