if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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