In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Randomize
