okay pat passed out under dana's car
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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