so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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