Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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