That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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