Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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