i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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