hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you would pick up someone in the library
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize