jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
