Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Dicks are not precious.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
