i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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