i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
